Jim Morrison's 60th Birthday
Wherein our narrator celebrates the anniversary
of his birth.
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to
me...
That's right, I'm 41 years old today. I feel *ever* so much better about it this year than last, for reasons that I could not even attempt to explain. I think part of it is most likely that I'm feeling much less a failure than I did last year - when there was no money anywhere, and the last of it was being spent (by me) on a trip to Mexico, during which I had something like a full=on meltdown & rage attack, the target of which was poor Marina, who really never knew what hit her. Plus I was away from Jeff for the first significant span of time, which is a difficult thing, when you're as madly in love as I was (and presumed he was) and just wanting to spend all your time together. Ah well.
Let's just say this: until I got to Australia, my 40th year had been reasonably hellish. There are astrological reasons for this (Pluto transit of my natal sun), psychological reasons for this (the relationship with Jeff stressed all of the weakest points in my psyche), financial reasons for this (no work and no real desire to work), and no doubt some existential reasons (what am I to do with my life?). The quadruple-whammy. All of that, in the end, helped me to refine my being a bit - through the refiner's fire - so that I could emerge a stronger person, and more comfortable with myself.
At least, that's what I'm telling myself.
Of course, by the time Jim Morrison reached his 41st birthday, he'd been dead for 10 years. So it could be worse, and I should be thankful. I am thankful: I'm svelte, in good health and (temporarily) have stable, enjoyable employment. And on that subject: I checked the details of my visa, and it allows me to re-enter the country for periods no longer than three months at a time, for a full year. (In this case, till 13 October 2004.) Which is good, because if AFTRS wants to make good use of me (which I believe they do) they can do so, without any additional paperwork, through most of next year. So I've got to go speak to Malcolm Long about this, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, and start the ball rolling. Because when he asked me "What do you want to do?" I hadn't given it very much thought. Now I have, and I know what I want to do: I want to learn how to produce (in the media producer sense of the word), perhaps do some DVDs, maybe an iTV show or two, and (who knows) maybe even a film. Not because I want to grow rich, but because I think I now know enough - about media, about how to work with people, even about how to stay within budget - to be able to do so.
There's so much to do: phone calls to be made, reservations to reschedule, houses to move out of, etc. But it all feels very exciting. I'm hoping that, by the end of February, I am comfortable ensconced in some nice flat in Sydney (maybe Surry Hills, maybe Darlinghurst), with some steady work at AFTRS and some other interesting consulting gigs. I know that Australians don't feel as though they have the oomph it will take to make them the pioneers of new media, but I feel something going on here, something very profound, very important, and very pervasive. America is too preoccupied, at the moment, to take the lead, and China is still dealing with the chaos of industrialization. Europe is a semi-permanent doldrums. Which leaves Australia, the last man standing, a tiny nation which only last week got to a population of 20 million.
On another note, although I've been bitching about the rain - and it's yet another cloudy, dingy day in Sydney - but it's actually a good sign: I come to a country in the midst of a long-term drought, and it starts raining.
It's not necessarily what I wanted, but it's certainly what they needed. I don't know if that's symbolic of my being here, but I'd certainly like to read it that way.
Princess of Wands
3 Cups Ace of Cups
Ace crossed by 7 Discs 10 Cups
of 8 Cups
Swords
The Star
The Heirophant 7 Cups
That's the layout I drew last night, under the full moon, as I celebrated the ritual of Our Lady. It's an interesting reading, full of warnings for me. In some ways I believe I'm coming to Australia to relax, but nothing coudl be further from the truth. While I am for indolence, I will achieve an opening and overflowing of the heart chakra. Whether that means love at the personal level or a boddhisatva-llike state of infinte compassion for all living beings, or both, or something in between, I can't say. I can say that it is a strong reading, and not entirely ambiguous, pointing as it does to both the energy of Kundalini (Ace of Swords) and the heart chakra (Ace of Cups). What it all means (if I can apply meaning) is that I need to maintain myself, in my subtle body, and thereby avoid the pitfalls of indolence. Which seems very sound advice.
Nothing special planned for my birthday. Somehow I don't feel as though I need to do anything special. I already feel pretty damn special.
Happy birthday to me! Hip-hip horray! Hip-hip horray! HIP-HIP HORRAY
That's right, I'm 41 years old today. I feel *ever* so much better about it this year than last, for reasons that I could not even attempt to explain. I think part of it is most likely that I'm feeling much less a failure than I did last year - when there was no money anywhere, and the last of it was being spent (by me) on a trip to Mexico, during which I had something like a full=on meltdown & rage attack, the target of which was poor Marina, who really never knew what hit her. Plus I was away from Jeff for the first significant span of time, which is a difficult thing, when you're as madly in love as I was (and presumed he was) and just wanting to spend all your time together. Ah well.
Let's just say this: until I got to Australia, my 40th year had been reasonably hellish. There are astrological reasons for this (Pluto transit of my natal sun), psychological reasons for this (the relationship with Jeff stressed all of the weakest points in my psyche), financial reasons for this (no work and no real desire to work), and no doubt some existential reasons (what am I to do with my life?). The quadruple-whammy. All of that, in the end, helped me to refine my being a bit - through the refiner's fire - so that I could emerge a stronger person, and more comfortable with myself.
At least, that's what I'm telling myself.
Of course, by the time Jim Morrison reached his 41st birthday, he'd been dead for 10 years. So it could be worse, and I should be thankful. I am thankful: I'm svelte, in good health and (temporarily) have stable, enjoyable employment. And on that subject: I checked the details of my visa, and it allows me to re-enter the country for periods no longer than three months at a time, for a full year. (In this case, till 13 October 2004.) Which is good, because if AFTRS wants to make good use of me (which I believe they do) they can do so, without any additional paperwork, through most of next year. So I've got to go speak to Malcolm Long about this, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, and start the ball rolling. Because when he asked me "What do you want to do?" I hadn't given it very much thought. Now I have, and I know what I want to do: I want to learn how to produce (in the media producer sense of the word), perhaps do some DVDs, maybe an iTV show or two, and (who knows) maybe even a film. Not because I want to grow rich, but because I think I now know enough - about media, about how to work with people, even about how to stay within budget - to be able to do so.
There's so much to do: phone calls to be made, reservations to reschedule, houses to move out of, etc. But it all feels very exciting. I'm hoping that, by the end of February, I am comfortable ensconced in some nice flat in Sydney (maybe Surry Hills, maybe Darlinghurst), with some steady work at AFTRS and some other interesting consulting gigs. I know that Australians don't feel as though they have the oomph it will take to make them the pioneers of new media, but I feel something going on here, something very profound, very important, and very pervasive. America is too preoccupied, at the moment, to take the lead, and China is still dealing with the chaos of industrialization. Europe is a semi-permanent doldrums. Which leaves Australia, the last man standing, a tiny nation which only last week got to a population of 20 million.
On another note, although I've been bitching about the rain - and it's yet another cloudy, dingy day in Sydney - but it's actually a good sign: I come to a country in the midst of a long-term drought, and it starts raining.
It's not necessarily what I wanted, but it's certainly what they needed. I don't know if that's symbolic of my being here, but I'd certainly like to read it that way.
Princess of Wands
3 Cups Ace of Cups
Ace crossed by 7 Discs 10 Cups
of 8 Cups
Swords
The Star
The Heirophant 7 Cups
That's the layout I drew last night, under the full moon, as I celebrated the ritual of Our Lady. It's an interesting reading, full of warnings for me. In some ways I believe I'm coming to Australia to relax, but nothing coudl be further from the truth. While I am for indolence, I will achieve an opening and overflowing of the heart chakra. Whether that means love at the personal level or a boddhisatva-llike state of infinte compassion for all living beings, or both, or something in between, I can't say. I can say that it is a strong reading, and not entirely ambiguous, pointing as it does to both the energy of Kundalini (Ace of Swords) and the heart chakra (Ace of Cups). What it all means (if I can apply meaning) is that I need to maintain myself, in my subtle body, and thereby avoid the pitfalls of indolence. Which seems very sound advice.
Nothing special planned for my birthday. Somehow I don't feel as though I need to do anything special. I already feel pretty damn special.
Happy birthday to me! Hip-hip horray! Hip-hip horray! HIP-HIP HORRAY
Posted: Mon - December 8, 2003 at 09:25 AM
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Published On: Jun 23, 2004 08:11 PM
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Published On: Jun 23, 2004 08:11 PM