The Radical


Wherein our narrator comes to some momentous decisions.

I have been tired. By my own estimation, at least. I get up early, do my yoga, board the train to Epping (the ride provides the time for most of these entries), then take the short bus ride to AFTRS. Every morning, same old, same old. The grind, again. I had given this up, given up any thought of a normal workaday job, from now until the end of time - which, in my own case, may not be so very far away (but that's another story) - and had setted into a restive, if occasionally busy existence, centered around my home.

I think I am beginning to understand why I made that decision: working exhausts me. I don't mean physical exhaustion, but rather, a certain ennui, a lethargy sets in during the days at the office. Some days run quickly, others very slowly. Today, with a lot of meetings, will run fairly quickly. Yesterday ran like molasses. Why? Perhaps because I sat before an Excel spreadsheet most of the day, trying to dream up reasons that AFTRS needs to change its programs, and how.

But I hadn't thought of why, not really. And it wasn't until I walked out the door at the end of the day - really, just moments after - as I quickly read through the AFTRS Handbook - that I realized the reason I come home every day exhausted beyond telling has less to do with the stresses of work, or jet lag - though that certainly plays some small role - than it has to do with the fact that I feel straightjacketed, confined by the way things are at AFTRS. It's all comfortable, it all works well enough, and it's all very much as it would have been when the school was set up, 30 years ago. The fact that nothing has changed in the last 30 years is due, more or less, to the fact that film and television production models haven't changed much in that time. Filmic production was all worked out in the 1930s, while TV got there by the late 50s or early 60s. These are the rules, this is how things work: and AFTRS is here to teach you.

But everything relevant has been ruled irrelevant, everything important and safe and clear has been overrun.

I know now why I've been so quiet, and so tired. I've been thinking - perhaps as hard as I've ever thought. The result isn't some brand-new invention (per se) or some thesis to be expounded at a podium (though it will be) but, rather, a psychic forward accelleration which has allowed me to blow beyond what has been known, and into the unknown.

The question is this: are these people, these comfortable academics, this comfortable industry, ready for it? I want to make some radical proposals, which will reshape the entire educational process at AFTRS, embedding the ideas of interactivity so deeply in the curriculum that this school could well become the recognized leader - world-wide - in the creation of 21st century entertainment. But will they let me?

I need to start sounding people out, starting with Peter Giles, my "boss" - in so far as these things have any meaning in a consultancy - to see where they'll lead. I need to take the temperature at AFTRS, for two reasons: firstly, so I can find out if I'm just wasting my time trying to be radical in my proposals; and, secondly, so I can develop an avenue of approach which will make my radical proposals seem both seductive and reasonable.

If I can't work to change things - radically - I'll dutifully continue my work, get paid, and submit my report at the end of the consultancy. It'll contain the same radical content, but they'll be free to ignore it. They'll have paid for some of the best thinking that money can buy, and they can put it on a shelf, in Malcolm's office, to let it moulder until the school is completely obsolesced by the coming wave of interactivity.

Today I'll have my first inking of whether I'll be anywhere near as successful as I want to be.

*** (And now, after the workday) ***

Well I had a nice chat with Peter this morning, and was pretty clear what I wanted to do at AFTRS was more-or-less what he wants to see happen. He, too, shares my concern that radical changes will be met with increasing levels of resistance from the faculty, as the extent of the changes that I will propose become clear.

That means we're simply going to have to study "the Beast", figure out where its soft underbelly lies, and plot a strategy for crawling inside. (Owen always tells me, "When you find the Belly of the Beast, crawl inside.") This will be equal parts seduction and sedation: seduce them with new moneys that should be forthcoming from the Federal government to make all of this happen, paired with a strategy to lull them all into a sense of security about the future. They won't lose anything. They'll only gain.

At this point, I need, like any revolutionary, to begin to make converts. Since Peter is already on board, I'm wondering if the next stop isn't Malcolm himself. And I'm also wondering when I should stop wearing Peter like a badge - after all, the introductions have been made - and begin to strike out on my own. A lot of this can be done, I believe, while Peter is tied up in interviews on Monday and Tuesday. That'll give me some space to work within. I can meet, privately with the members of the interactive working group, and get them on board. Should take about 15 minutes per person, easily slid into the schedule. Heheheh. And with a revolutionary cadre - or is that vanguard? - in place, we'll spring forth, creating new believers, until the revolution is as natural as breathing, and safe as milk. Well, safe as milk to someone who can digest it.

Meanwhile, back to me. I've left AFTRS a bit early today, because I'm feeling...weird. I don't understand it. I've been getting very congested when I lay down to sleep at night, and I've been fairly congested all day. I'm beginning to think it may be because I've got some allergies to the pollens in New South Wales (it is Spring here, after all), things I'm not acclimated to, and are hence causing some immune overreations. During our big meeting today, I felt downright queasy a few times, and nearly excused myself to go hug a toilet. But those feelings faded (thankfully) though I still feel a bit...off. Perhaps the reason I've been so tired lately is less about the psychic demands of the workload than it is about the physical demands being made upon my body.

It may be that I need to back down on the caffeine. Perhaps bring some lovely green tea into the office to start the day off with. Much gentler than those evil tall blacks - which are essentially a triple shot of espresso sprayed into a coffee cup - which I've been using to start the day off with. I'm getting the clear sense that I should be treating myself more gently, as I grow used to the climate (the temperature is up-and-down-and-up again today), the flora, and the diet. I should really quit smoking, too, but the fact that I'm chawing nicorette at the office - half the day - is better than nothing. One step at a time.

Posted: Thu - October 30, 2003 at 08:47 AM        

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