[Scene: A ministry office in Whitehall. Michael Howard is receiving his weekly briefing from his top adviser...]

MH: Now, Sir Humphrey, what's the latest on the youth of the nation? Are they still revolting?

HA: Certainly minister, quite appalling in fact. A load of idle, unwashed, scruffy ....

MH: No, no, no Sir Humphrey. I mean are they still rebelling against our authority? By what means are they expressing their rejection of conventional politics these days?

HA: Apparently, sir, they are ''raving''.

MH: Raving, eh? Well I can't say I'm surprised. When you consider the damage that we've wreaked upon the NHS, the education system, the economy and so on, you would expect them to be pretty angry...

HA: No, no, no minister. I don't mean that they're raving mad. I am referring to these new-fangled so-called ''acid-house rave parties''.

MH: You mean they're starting parties? This sounds serious. Do you believe they may damage our chances of winning the next election?

HA: Oh no minister, I don't mean political parties. I mean party-type entertainment-type, loud-music-and-dancing type parties. You know? Fun?

MH: I don't quite see the relevance of that, Sir Humphrey.

HA: <sotto voce> I rather thought you might not, minister.

MH: I beg your pardon? Speak up.

HA: Sorry, minister. What I mean is that they gather together in large groups, and play loud music, and all get quite ''on one matey'', as I believe the current slang has it...

MH: Yes? And then what?

HA: And then nothing, minister. That's all. Generally they sit around doing nothing, or ''chill out'', to use the trendy slang again.

MH: I'm not quite sure I understand, Sir Humphrey. How is this meant to stop us from doing quite exactly whatever we please?

HA: It's not, minister. In fact, many of them are under the impression that there is no need to pay us any attention at all. Only the other day, Nigel <nigel.chaos@dial.pipex.com> was observed on Uk-Dance saying
What's this buzz about power ? Who gives a shit about power ? Where's this power going to invade from ? Are you paranoid ? Political power is a farce,...

MH: I see, Sir Humphrey. And I admire the way you pronounced those > symbols to make it clear you were quoting.

HA: One does ones best, sir.

MH: Indeed. So the so-called radical youth of today are under the impression that we have no power, are they?

HA: Why yes indeed, sir. It's quite strange - one moment they are complaining that