Editors’ Picks | Readers’ Poll

Best Place to Party like It's 1929
You can't get real absinthe anymore (unless you count – or care to risk – the murky stuff brewed at home by a few Burning Man aficionados), not even at Absinthe, the popular Hayes Valley bar and restaurant. However, what it lacks in hallucinogenic elixirs it makes up with vintage absinthe posters, Parisian expat-perfect decor, and an exquisite list of specialty cocktails culled from drinks books of the 1920s and '30s. Leave those Windex-blue big-gulp-style drinks to the capri-pants crowd in the Mission; here, wanna-be Papas can lean an elbow on the zinc-topped bar and soothe their Montparnasse longings with head bartender Marcovaldo Dionysos's classic (or classically inspired) concoctions. Try the Ginger Rogers (gin, fresh mint, and ginger syrup) or the violet-scented Martini de l'Amour, made with vodka, orange bitters, and Parfait Amour – all perfect quaffs for a balmy night. 398 Hayes, S.F. (415) 551-1590.
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Best Place to Hear Ragtime
Eight years ago, when Pat Clemens was looking for places to present a young ragtime pianist she had heard in New Orleans, Richard Reutlinger offered the ballroom of his home in the Western Addition. Now the spectacular Brune-Reutlinger House – internationally renowned as one of the earliest and most authentic Victorian restorations – becomes a ragtime venue three times a year, with 50 to 80 people filling the conjoined "first and second parlors" to hear such preservationists of turn-of-the-century music as pianists Frank French, Montreal's Mimi Blais, and Oslo's Martin Gunnar Larsen and his Ophelia Ragtime Orchestra.

Concert patrons enjoy refreshments and an opportunity to tour the 10-room house, which was designed by architect Heinrich Geilfuss, built in 1886 for a bourbon distiller and liquor distributor, and restored by Reutlinger down to every detail of period wallpaper and furnishings. Clemens's ragtime piano discovery from New Orleans, Scott Kirby, is now recognized as one of the foremost interpreters of Scott Joplin and returns to Brune-Reutlinger (and other northern California venues) every November to dazzle ragtime aficionados in this truly one-of-a-kind setting. The next concerts take place Nov. 6 and 7. Reservations required. 824 Grove, S.F. (408) 395-7972.
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Best Opportunity to Listen to Rock for Free
We're not too naive to realize the benefit Amoeba Music reaps from holding its free late-afternoon in-stores. You get there early to claim your turf, but there are always a few minutes to allow the well-stocked bins to suck some money out of your pockets. So what – let it profit, because, especially lately, Amoeba has been drawing some very worthy bands (Built to Spill, Sleater-Kinney, Old 97's, Will Oldham, Cibo Matto, to name some recent shows) to its little, exceedingly fake-looking living room-esque stage by the information desk. Flip through the Frank Kozik posters or whatever records are within reach as you get a free sampling from the set the band will be playing later that night at some high-volume club with overpriced liquor and nasty, anally retentive staffers (you know who you are). Thank you, Amoeba, for patching up a hole in the city's sonic life. 1855 Haight, S.F. (415) 831-1200.
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Best Place to See Sleazy Exploitation Films
Joel Shepard, film curator at Center for the Arts at Yerba Buena Gardens, gives museum stuffiness a needed kick in the pants as he brings the best of exploitation cinema to Center for the Arts' comfy seats and quality sound system. Whether it's for recent programs like the Drive-in King Al Adamson retrospective, the West Coast premiere of horror-meister Jim Van Bebber's Manson masterpiece Charlie's Family, or the upcoming porn retrospective, it's a blast to get your ticket ripped by a black-wearing overly serious employee as an entry to classic sleaze. 701 Mission, S.F. (415) 978-2787.
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Best Club in the Worst Neighborhood
When people get in the door of Six, they tend to breathe a sigh of relief. The club is on a particularly dodgy block of Sixth Street, between Market and Mission, and if you're walking there, you'll definitely want to bring a friend or two. Once you get inside, though, you'll find one of the best new places to dance in the city. The two-level club features a spacious lounge on top, filled with couches and a bar where you can actually carry on a conversation. Head downstairs and you'll find a subterranean dance floor powered by DJs like Dave Kirkland, Chris Orr, Mouse, and Travis, with plenty of room to shake your cares away. Owner Pete Glikshtern says the effort required to get to Six appeals to serious clubbers. "If it were that easy, what would be the point?" he asks. 60 Sixth St., S.F. (415) 863-1221.
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Best Cable Cooking Show
Whether the grub is stuffed red peppers and polenta or a motley tuna potato salad, you won't go away hungry watching Mike and Stu's bimonthly cable-access cooking show Feast or Famine, which has been on the air for less than a year. A kind of Iron Chef for postgrads, the show's premise is that master chefs Mike and Stu can enter any house in San Francisco, root through the fridge, and come up with a bountiful harvest. On rare occasions, the results appear sludgelike, but for the most part, Mike and Stu can weave silk purses from even a moldy sow's ear. What they don't tell you is that Mike and Stu are pros who both cook at Elroy's. Perhaps the reason they don't mention that detail is because cast and crew strive to achieve that lofty cable-access goal: amateurishness. Sometimes, their diners help out: In a July episode, one of the roommates at the apartment where Mike and Stu were cooking dinner took a break from sweaty kitchen revelry by attempting such X Games feats as surfing down the stairs on an ironing board. Bohemians flush with cybercash can certainly take cues from Mike and Stu, but it's particularly the renters, the disenfranchised, the jobless who can pick up a useful tip or two from these back-of-the-fridge wonderchefs. If you're lucky, you may tune in on an episode where Stu is creating a fireball in the kitchen. Absentee landlords should watch only under careful supervision. Every other Sunday night, 10:30 p.m., Channel 53.
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Best Place for a Cocktail and a Manicure
At last there's a place where a fuzzy sweater, Lee press-ons, and plastic curlers count as camouflage. Though it only opened last November, the Mission's Beauty Bar packs in a kitsch crowd nightly. Paul Devit, one of six owners, cloned the bar from his Manhattan Beauty Bar. Devit and another partner headed for San Francisco with a U-Haul full of hair dryers from an old Long Island salon. En route, they combed the country's thrift stores to flesh out the bar's decor. They bought well. The ladies' bathroom is papered in 1950s magazine ads for Lux, Avon, and Newports; the bar's sparkly, Pepto-Bismol-pink walls are lined with beauty products straight out of Grandma's rusty medicine cabinet. Beauty Bar throws theme parties like Warhol Factory Night (co-owner Aaron Buhrz played Andy for the occasion), Prom Night, and Geisha Night. Regular DJs spin everything from French go-go to "lipstick lounge." To really blend in with the beauty school dropouts, drown your sorrows in a fruity Pompadour cocktail. 2299 Mission, S.F. (415) 285-0323.
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Best Field Trip for Grown-Ups
Remember when your third-grade class took a field trip to a bakery, and each kid was handed a fresh, warm doughnut at the end of the tour? Now that you're an adult, take the tour that concludes with samples from one of America's most respected small breweries. The 90-minute tour of Anchor Brewing Company's Potrero Hill plant begins with a lesson in ingredients, brewing methods, and the company's colorful history. (Fritz Maytag's purchase of this 19th-century brewery in the 1960s, just as it was about to close, kicked off the modern fine microbrewing movement.) After strolling through the spanking-clean factory, guests may sample the steam beer, porter, and ales. Kids may take the tour too, but they don't get to taste the goods. Because these free weekday tours are so popular, Anchor recommends that you call one month ahead for reservations. 1705 Mariposa, S.F. (415) 863-8350.
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Best Place to Confront Majestic Toothy Reptiles
When you step into the courtyard entrance of the Steinhart Aquarium, don't be distracted by the cages of snakes and frogs and such on the walls. The mystery lies at the center of the room: a simulated swamp pool where two alligators bask on big rocks in the pale white rays pouring down from the skylights above. Their absolute indifference to soft-shelled humanity affects most viewers like a direct challenge to try and get their attention. It takes a will of steel to resist the urge to bounce a coin off them. (Signs on every side warn you not to do this. The water is nonetheless full of quarters.) This strange, hushed, steamy space, like a Victorian tabletop terrarium on a monstrous scale, makes you feel as if you, too, are part of the exhibit, observed by unseen giant 19th-century naturalists in frock coats. Music Concourse, Golden Gate Park, S.F. (415) 750-7142.
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Best Place to See the Latest Films
Without Standing in Line
Despite all the snazzy new multiplexes that have opened in the last year, adding hundreds more movie seats to the city's total, it's still quite possible to show up for the weekend's hot new film and be met by a Sold Out sign. It pays to have a backup plan. Our favorite is to check the listings at the Seavue. This little-known two-screen movie theater, in a nearby coastal town, shows the same new releases as the city's big boys. OK, the screens are a bit small. But the parking is free, and on Memorial Day you could walk right up and buy a ticket to see The Phantom Menace five minutes before show time. Seavue's showings aren't always listed in the major newspapers' ads, so you may want to note its phone number for future reference. Palmetto Ave. and West Manor Drive, Pacifica. (650) 359-5282.
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Best Impresario Behind the Best
New/Nude Gimmick for Upstart Local Bands
Organizing performances at Brainwash and releasing a half-dozen albums on his own label, Ian Brennan has contributed to the Bay Area's music scene for more than a decade. (And Brennan's day job – as counselor at an Oakland psychiatric ward – is no cakewalk.) This past year, Brennan came up with a great new concept: "Live Nude Bands," a night – March 6, 1999, to be exact – of naked rock and roll high jinks at the Transmission Theater that gave Bay Area bands like Dirtbox some exposure and raised money for local community groups. In recent years, many a crank has declared the death of rock; in San Francisco, many a rock band has fought off the doomsaying via theatrical antics. With "Live Nude Bands," Brennan offered a stripped-down spectacle that no one involved will soon forget; here's hoping some more bands party naked soon.
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Best Bar to Listen to Minor Threat In
So it sounds like an oxymoron. But whenever one of Ian MacKaye and company's hooky hardcore classics come on the jukebox at the Other Place, the bartender cranks the volume and more than a few of the patrons look up from their $1.50 Pabst Blue Ribbon pints to join in for an impromptu sing-along. Even if you don't know the words, the Other Place has plenty of other attractions, including a great, low-key atmosphere, a jukebox running the gamut from Black Sabbath to Chet Baker, and eccentric drink specials. We recommend the "slayer," a vigorous, Buffy-inspired concoction. If you dare. 408 Clement, S.F. (415) 831-7522.
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Best Place to Sanely Watch a Band
and Chat It Up with the Lighting Guy
The Great American Music Hall is a great place to catch a show, especially given its intimate space and ornate ceiling, but if you're too old (or tired) to play supergroupie and fight the typical dance-floor crush here's what to do: get there super early and head upstairs to nab one of the seats or stools next to the lighting mixer that's in front of the back wall. Not only do you get to rest your feet but your view of the stage below is totally unobstructed. Better yet, if you're close enough, Brian, the hall's well-traveled lighting manager, will be glad to share with you his thoughts on the evening's band, the secrets to mood lighting, or the best places to find sushi in Brazil. If that isn't entertaining enough, hell, the bar's only 15 feet away. 859 O'Farrell, S.F. (415) 885-0750.
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Best Place to Curl Up on a Couch, Eat Pizza,
Drink Beer, and Watch a Flick
No, it's not your own living room – it's the Parkway Theater in Oakland. With $5 admission, comfy love-seat sofas, homemade pizza, and $8 pitchers of microbrew, the Parkway just can't be beat for a kick-back night out. The funky two-screen neighborhood theater has operated off and on in its original location near Lake Merritt since 1926, and current owners Catherine Campbell and Kyle Fischer have preserved the original decor – art deco friezes with an Egyptian motif. Movies range from recent releases to cult favorites to foreign films and American black-and-white classics. The Barely Legal cast for The Rocky Horror Picture Show calls the Parkway home during midnight shows on Fridays. Besides pizza, the Parkway's menu offers regular theater snacks, salads, fruit plates, and fancy but reasonably priced sandwiches (grilled eggplant on focaccia with sun-dried tomatoes, aioli, and mozzarella for $4.50). Baby Brigade Mondays are just the ticket for new parents: babes in arms are welcome and get in free Monday nights (no toddlers). 1834 Park Blvd., Oakl. (510) 814-2400.
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Best Place to Toast the Impending Demise of Capitalism
After the triumph of the proletariat, there are going to be a lot of empty bank buildings. Max's 540 Club provides a glimpse of what the future may hold for these former temples of capitalism. The neoclassical facade resonates with promises of fiscal soundness and exploitation of the working classes. But inside lies a friendly neighborhood bar, complete with pinball machines and a pool table in the middle of what may have been the vault. No minimum deposit or transaction fees here, just a cool and convivial atmosphere in which to sip a tall cool one as you await the impending triumph of history. 540 Clement, S.F. (415) 752-7267.
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Best Triangular Bar
In this town, there is no shortage of round bars, square bars, and even oblong bars. But there are times when only acute angles will do. This is when you recess at the legendary Mister Bing's. It may be in the heart of North Beach, but Mister Bing's is guaranteed to be 100 percent attitude-free on both sides of the stick. No booths, no chairs, no gimmicks, and no beatniks – just bar stools, bowling trophies, and the only triangular bar in San Francisco. It's funny how altering the angle of imbibing gives you a new perspective on whatever ails you. 201 Columbus, S.F. (415) 362-1545.
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Best Turntablist Parties
It's hard to know what to do when you're watching a scratch DJ perform. It can be pretty difficult to dance if the DJ is cutting between records a lot, juggling beats, and scratching like mad, but just standing there doesn't seem quite right, either. That's why the Future Primitive Sound Session parties work so well. By pairing up two DJs, one to scratch and another to keep a dance beat going, they make it easy for you to wiggle your rump while hearing some of the best scratch DJs on the planet. "We were the first ones to take these battle DJs and introduce them to the dance party scene," Future Primitive organizer Mark Herlihy says. In the three years since they started, the parties have featured some of turntabalism's biggest names, including DJ Shadow, Cut Chemist, and Short Kut – all aiming to get the crowd moving. Information: (415) 905-8868.
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Best Laff Factory
Y'know how comedy usually just isn't very funny? OK, lose that preconception: Killing My Lobster Loves a Parade, the most recent collection of skits and bits from comedy collective Killing My Lobster, was laugh-out-loud hilarious through and through. Cleverly written and inventively performed, the show milked skitcom conventions for all they were worth, then exploded them.

The Lobsters have been putting on sketch-comedy shows in San Francisco for two years, while quietly building their production empire. On the Farm, a surprisingly great puppet musical about ideology and false consciousness by Lobsters Brian L. Perkins and Colin McGrath, packed Bindlestiff Studio last year. Lobsters P.V. Stroud and Peter Nachtrieb have both entered the solo-show fray. And this September, the third annual hi/LO Film Festival showcases cheapskate movie shorts by Lobster and non-Lobster directors. World domination – or at least a series on Comedy Central – won't be long in coming. Catch 'em while they're still here. (415) 267-0642. www.killingmylobster.com.
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Best Substitute for a Parisian Disco
Even if you could spring for airfare to France, we suspect that Serge Gainsbourg singles and Mary Quant dresses have long since departed from the Parisian nightlife scene. But that hedonistic Gallic spirit of the '60s lives on at Bardot-a-Go-Go, Lift-Off Productions' own floating tribute to the days when you went to a discotheque, not a disco. In an atmosphere that can only be described as "happening" (there's a light show!), miniskirted sex kittens do the swim while slick-suited sideburned cats frug to the finest in sophisticated vintage sounds. As Bardot herself would say, "C'est incroyable!" Bardot-a-Go-Go, Fridays through August, Cocodrie, 1024 Kearny, S.F. (415) 986-6678.
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Best New Tiki Bar
With most of the original generation of tiki bars long since demolished or desecrated, it was inevitable that the current lounge scene would spark another generation of American Polynesiana. By far the best of these new tropical-themed kids on the block is the Bamboo Hut. Adjacent to the Hi-Ball Lounge on Broadway, it sports the classic decor of bamboo, palm thatch, and tikis (including one massive specimen rescued from the ruins of Sacramento's Coral Reef), with a tropical drink menu to match. Selected libations are served in tiki mugs and coconut shells, just like God and Trader Vic intended. One of these days, you'll be telling the umbrella drink-swilling hipsters of 2030 that you hung out at the Hut when it was new. 479 Broadway, S.F. (415) 397-9464.
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Best Place to See Tits and Ass
from Your Favorite Punk Rock Boys
Ever wonder what some of the straight boys you know would look like in a skirt, heels, hose, or a smudge of lipstick? Maybe you should invite them to see a band at Kimo's on a Friday night. Bands are required to dress in drag, and you can knock a couple bucks off the five-dollar cover if you come dressed as the opposite sex yourself. Chances are you may have to do a double take to recognize familiar faces; we've seen male friends decked out in thigh high patent heels, pink evening gowns, blue glittery eye shadow, granny dresses, and bras stuffed with everything from socks to ashtrays. Of course, girls can get in on the action too, like Turbo Jurk vocalist Enya, in her short, fringy mini that gave sneaky peeks of a cute dangling strap-on she was wearing. Go girl! 1351 Polk, S.F. (415) 885-4535.
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Best Welsh Bar
In this town there is no shortage of Irish bars. British-style pubs are plentiful, and there's even the Edinburgh Castle to provide a little touch of Scotland to the San Francisco drinking scene. Dylan's completes the U.K. mosaic. It's San Francisco's first and so far only Welsh bar and is named for the Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, a man not unfamiliar with alcohol. But you don't have to be a Welsh separatist or sport a surname like Llewelyn or Owen to enjoy it. All you need is a healthy thirst for quality beer or more potent beverages, an appreciation for authentic, rough-hewn pub ambience, and the desire to enjoy what the Welsh call "diwr nod i'r Bren." 2301 Folsom, S.F. (415) 641-1416.
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Best Smokers' Bar and Grill
In spite of the smoking ban, this is a hotly contested title. Normally, we wouldn't want to attract undue attention to the winner. Fortunately the Black Horse London Deli is not only smoker-friendly but also smoking-legal! It's exempt from the law because owner Joe Gilmartin is the sole employee. Even if you don't have the habit, it's a great little bar, literally the smallest in San Francisco. It has nice pub-style ambience, good pub grub, and a wonderfully succinct beer selection. And thanks to the high ceiling, it never turns into the dreaded smoke-filled room. 1514 Union, S.F. (415) 928-2414.
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Best Cheap Bowling for Atheists
Bowling used to be called "kegling" back in Martin Luther's day, and the pins used to stand for sins. Despite the opening of a new, antiseptic center conveniently located near the Sony Metreon, it's difficult to find a rate of less than $2.50 a game in the city limits. For the record, Japantown Bowl drops down to $1.75 after midnight, giving you exactly one late hour to hurl before the usual closing time. No, friends, the real solace for the righteous kegler (a.k.a. bowler) is Colma's own Serra Bowl. For a $6-an-hour tithe, one can ditch established religion and opt for the splendid Sunday morning deal, sip a whip, and throw a chick comix' worth of devotion down the lane. And it's close to the Colma BART stop. 3301 Junipero Serra Blvd., Colma. (650) 992-3444.
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Best Use of a Mirrored Disco Ball
Most places these days use those hanging, multifaceted disco balls to coax from their customers a smug, retro grin: aren't we superior – in our baggy, butt-displaying, DJ pants (or Old Navy carbon cargoes) – to those 1970s clowns in bell-bottoms and velour? The folks at the Top haven't gone that route. Rather than snigger at this artifact, they've embraced it and taken it to the next level. And in the simplest way possible: they've merely hung it about a foot from the wall. As the ball spins, the flecks of light shoot across the room and then come back around, slowly getting bigger as they hit the close wall and circle behind the ball. Then they get smaller and shoot suddenly away again. The effect is hallucinogenic and marvelous, even if you're not high on ecstasy. One friend said it looked like the flecks approaching the sphere were ball bearings. They rolled through the mirrored ball, were converted to bubbles, and then swept away by a current. This spectacle itself is worth the $5 cover. And the paintings – call 'em "urban abstract" – are super too. 424 Haight, S.F. (415) 864-7386.
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Best Local Rock Show Bulletin
The most exhaustive resource for NoCal punk, funk, thrash, ska, and rock shows in existence, the List comes both in digital and in analog: if you don't get handed the small-fonted gig schedule walking out of a punk show or browsing at the record shop, you can subscribe for weekly updates via e-mail or find it on the Internet. It not only provides show info but also uses helpful symbols that codify each gig ("all ages," "pit warning," "no ins and outs," "will probably sell out," etc.). A directory of noteworthy radio and television shows follows the concert listings, as do listings of relevant Web pages, show-info numbers, and links to other music lists. Completely exhaustive, grassroots, and free, it's a blessing to the Bay Area scene, and as DIY as it gets. jon.luini.com/thelist.txt.
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Best Place to Catch Your Friends Warbling 'Reasons'
Sporting a cavernous dance floor, a virtually audience-free atmosphere, cheap drinks, and no cover, Bahia Cabana on Tuesday nights is a hard-core karaoker's dream come true. It's strictly BYOC (bring your own crowd), but the song selection is so fabulous (Sabbath's "War Pigs" and "Iron Man"), you may be tempted to return for a solo, and I mean solo, engagement. There's also a delicious tiki motif, and at Carnaval time, the place is especially kitschy and beautiful. 1600 Market, S.F. (415) 626-3306.
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Best Evening at Home for Anglophiles
A year ago Lost Weekend Video owner Christy Colcord and British employee Dale Shaw found themselves commiserating about all the great British TV shows they were missing. From their griping was born Lost Weekend's incredible BBC section. Despite the title, the section contains the product of both both public and commercial British networks – probably the best TV ever made.

For intelligence and emotional heft, try auteur Dennis Potter's The Singing Detective, a meditation on memory and loss from the hospital bed of a dying pulp-fiction writer; or playwright Alan Bennett's Talking Heads, monologues that generate gripping drama from the confines of the small screen. For absurdist antics, pick up the neo-vaudevillian lunacy of Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer (Vic Reeves' Big Night Out, The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer). And make room in your living room for Alan Partridge, presenter of Knowing Me, Knowing You: inept talk-show host as tragic hero. 1034 Valencia, S.F. (415) 643-3373.
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Best Way to Immerse Yourself in the
Soothing Sounds of Old Punk Rock Records
Also known as Scott Alcoholocaust, DJ What's His Fuck? is a dude rooted in 1980s punk nostalgia. While the DJs at happenings like Stinky's Peepshow or Sixxteen definitely rock as well, without a doubt no one besides What's His Fuck? slaps vinyl like Rudimentary Peni, Decry, Negative Approach, Sick Pleasure, or the Dayglo Abortions on the turntables on a regular basis. Punk is not dead!
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Best Midnight Movie
The Rocky Horror Picture Show can just give it a rest. On Saturdays at midnight at the Bridge Theatre, big, beautiful, terrifying drag queens dripping with glamour and kitsch are just the tantalizing beginning. Maybelline girl Peaches Christ is your hostess, and her natural charm leads such black and tasteless affairs as wet T-shirt contests and wheelchair races with all the zing and flair of a chain saw, and the lively crowd is always begging for more. Excellent midnight classic presentations include Polyester and Barberella, and lesser-played genius flicks that feature Chesty Morgan's bionic breasts and the ketchup-inspired special effects of Evil Dead 2. For only five bucks, these two hours of entertainment are a real steal. 3010 Geary, S.F. (415) 751-3213.
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Best Place to Discover That Goths Are Just like You and Me
Goths, that pale and well-dressed sect of club-goers, have spent a lot of time blinking their darkness-dilated pupils into the media glare of late. The Littleton Massacre spurred a spate of hand-wringing about the morbid obsessions of this group to whom the "Trenchcoat Mafia" claimed to belong. After a visit to the unusually friendly (considering the name) Goth club Deathguild, you will see that this is about as idiotic as blaming Manson on the hippies. While Goths can seem a little aloof at first, most reveal themselves to be exceedingly sweet, soft-spoken vegetarians who show their best sides and dance like Victorian-era hippies at the pretension-free David King's weekly Monday night club. Manhattan Lounge, 699 Market, S.F. www.deathguild.com.
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Best Place to Feel like You're in a Bar in Ireland
If you want to feel a part of the Irish community, then Martin Macks Bar and Restaurant is the place to be. It's filled every night with both Irish expats and Haight Street locals, who drop by to drink a pint with the friendly bartenders, hang out with their friends, or order up a plate of the fine Irish food. It's all backed by a soundtrack that includes traditional Irish music, techno, opera, and rock. And if you're there on the right night, you may even catch (or participate in) some rowdy, spontaneous dancing on the bar. 1568 Haight, S.F. (415) 864-0124.
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Best Local Promoter Who Puts
Martha Stewart to Shame
It's all or nothing for Alan Parowski of Liftoff! SpaceCapades. He's one of those guys who really knows how to throw a party. He started getting his feet wet by throwing tiki-themed events. But he didn't stop at just having a few surf bands play. Oh no, his beach bashes always include things like ritual conch-shell blows to start the evening, hula dancers, ukulele music, limbo contests with prizes, exotic drinks, blazing torches, fake palm trees, Hawaiian decor dangling everywhere – hell, there have even been erupting volcanoes. Once, while hosting an evening inspired by Annette and Frankie, Alan set up and ran a barbecue in front of the Cocodrie, cookin' up s'mores for each arrival. It's all about ambience baby, and no one does it better than Alan.
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Best Bar Where You Can
Always Find a Seat after Work
Though the decor at Iron Horse is somewhere between bar mitzvah and Mafia wedding, you can't beat the elbowroom. Dark wood, dim lighting, and reasonably priced cocktails accompany the Iron Horse's swank and convenient downtown locale, and the crowd is at once spirited and sedate. The bar's spacious interior and plush booths promise that every tired corporate butt has a place to sit after 5 p.m. During Friday afternoon's happy hour, the free chicken wings, ravioli, and vegetables flow. 19 Maiden Lane, S.F. (415) 362-8133.
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Best Music Newsletter
Have trouble keeping up on the latest Tropicalia reissues? Want some Norwegian black metal recommendations? Wondering if the latest Atari Teenage Riot CD is any good? You could ask that nerdy record collector, but you'd probably be better off signing up for the Aquarius Records e-mail newsletter. The updates, sent to 3,400 subscribers every three or four weeks, are informative, trustworthy, and just plain huge. The store's whole staff contributes to them, making a valiant attempt to describe the best – and worst – of the weird and wonderful sounds Aquarius stocks. The newsletter's refreshing in its candor and doesn't read at all like a sales pitch. "If there's something we hate, we don't hesitate to say it," assistant manager Andee Connors says. 1055 Valencia, S.F. (415) 647-2272. aqua@sirius.com.
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Best Saturday-Afternoon Entertainment
Every Saturday since the early 1970s, the Giotta family has performed free shows for the espresso fans at Caffe Trieste in North Beach. They're a real family band, featuring husband and wife Gianni and Ida and their children Gianfranco, Sonia, and Fabio, along with frequent guests. The multitalented group, who incorporate trumpet, piano, bass violin, mandolin, accordion, and other instruments into their songs, perform everything from country to show tunes to opera. The show runs from around 2 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. every week and is a great way to feel like you've escaped to Italy for an afternoon. 609 Vallejo, S.F. (415) 982-2605.
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Best Dive Fated to Be a Crowded Sports Bar
Once Pac Bell Park Opens
In a town where it's getting harder and harder to simply walk into a bar and get a seat and a drink, the Eagle's Drift In Lounge welcomes both your butt and your liver. Molly will be happy to serve you up a beer or a cocktail. Chances are, regulars will be warming the end of the bar. Say hello, but don't enter into any games of chance with them; they'll take your money. Dimly lit, with a north-slanting pool table, the Drift In offers a bit of uncalculated atmosphere – at least until April 2000, when the boys of summer arrive. 527 Bryant, S.F. (415) 661-0166.
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Best Annoying Club-Goer Accessory
Club kids are always the first to pick up on wackified fashion trends. Where else would a pair of lederhosen look just right with glitter eye shadow and glued-on plastic spiders? Club fashions don't have to be practical or even comfortable: witness the legions of dance-floor habitués itching and sweating under turkey-feather boas back in 1997, not to mention the ubiquitous angel wings stuck on the back of every hyperkinetic raver in sight during 1998. But the accessory of the moment, my darlings, is butterfly wings, strapped onto the back and taking up entirely too much dance-floor real estate. Tom Galant, manager of Costumes on Haight, says that sales of butterfly wings are soaring, while those of angel wings are, er, plunging. "Female illusionists buy them, strippers, people wear 'em to the clubs. We get all kinds, even tourists. We even had someone come in and order a pair of baby wings for a one-year-old," Galant shrugs. "But they may get a bad reaction in the clubs when they're running into everybody with the wings on. Angel wings are at least softer."
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Best Illusion of Going Out on a Weekend
While Still Sprawling on a Sofa
When staying home and renting a video is just too lame and prowling the clubs is out, the Werepad movie lounge is the perfect option – see and be seen while being entertained in complete, passive comfort. "We have an ashtray for every seat, and we're proud of that," drawls Werepad cofounder Scott Moffett about the plush screening space that's been home to cult-flick screenings for five years. A crowd of pierced-and-tattooed superhipsters make the trek each week to China Basin to watch quirky delights like The Trip or Alice, Sweet, Alice while sucking down martinis on the Werepad's overstuffed couches, lounge chairs, and beanbags. The films screened are from Moffett's painstakingly chosen personal collection. "There's an underground circuit of guys with warehouses of old films in South Carolina and Austin," says Moffett in his liquid Louisiana accent. "They mail me these things covered in rust, and I clean 'em off and show 'em." Any profits garnered from showing the 400 low-budget gems in his collection are funneled into original features produced under the Werepad's Massacre at Central Hi Film Company moniker. Planet Manson, anyone? 2430 Third St., S.F. (415) 324-7334.
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Best Local Online Rave Resource
Founded in 1992 in a closet at Stanford University, Hyperreal.org has since been providing an all-inclusive resource for ravers and techno-geeks in the Bay Area. Now it also posts bulletins from around the country and the world. Providing links to loads of local crews, clubs, and vinyl purchase-points, Hyperreal (which takes its name from a Shamen song) also dials you into most every house/drum 'n' bass/jungle/experimental happening around. Search by day, week, or area; click on the info-lines page; consult the map and the flyers link; check the radio and TV events – and if you can't find a digital diversion after that, you can't be helped. www.hyperreal.org/raves/sf/.
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Best Museum Complex for Insomniacs
If you ever wake up at 2 a.m. with the irresistible urge to visit a museum, the place to go is SFO – specifically, the exhibits staged throughout the airport by the San Francisco Airport Museums. At any hour, you can enjoy fine artworks and eclectic and unexpected displays with themes drawn from science, history, design, and anthropology. And it's all free, too (beyond the cost of bus or parking). These displays are scattered around all three terminals and their passageways, so it pays to check the Web site for a full listing and map before heading to the airport. Forty exhibits are mounted each year; the current crop includes whale-oil lamps and behemoth early electric bulbs ("Lighting from Past to Present"), radio drama sound-effects gadgets and transistor radios ("On the Air"), and gutta-percha golf balls alongside a classic bowling shirt ("Sports Equipment"). www.sfoArts.org. (650) 652-2772.
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Best Club to Save
Why can't San Francisco lose Ten 15 Folsom – currently under threat of closure by the SFPD? Simple – we need our largest, most globally recognized club in order to keep attracting the biggest, most influential acts in the dance music movement. Whether or not you like enormous, sweaty clubs, Ten 15 Folsom keeps San Francisco on the map as an integral force in electronic music. If you have any doubts, check out the national and European dance music mags – Ten 15 is the most referred to spot in S.F. Aside from places like New York's Twilo and London's Ministry of Sound, where else can you hear Deep Dish, Dimitri from Paris, Masters at Work, Carl Cox, Paul Oakenfold, Doc Martin, and Sasha? That's right – Ten 15 Folsom. A petition to save Ten 15 Folsom is at www.spundae.com. Sign it. 1015 Folsom, S.F. (415) 431-0700.
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Best House Club
The superbly joyous monthly house club Loveworks offers top-notch deep grooves and positive, old school vibes to a devoted gay and straight mixed crowd. Here you will find no pretentious clubbers – just a bunch of happy sweaty people who really know how to rip up the dance floor. Launched in '96 by Dianna Jacobs, Nori Castillo, DJ Matt Valenz, and DJ Dani, Loveworks is one of the city's longest running house club monthlies. Loveworks is also a great place to reminisce about the early days of house – the warm, carefree attitude of its promoters and partyers is similar to the nonexclusive, pre-glo stick days of house. Loveworks third-anniversary party Saturday, Aug. 21, 111 Minna, S.F. (415) 974-1719
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